Monday, 27 February 2017

How to Stop Worrying and Start Living

"My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened."
- Michel de Montaigne

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I recently got a new book: How to Stop Worrying and Start Living by Dale Carnegie, and it's changing my life. I'm a worrier. I always have been. It's something that I've accepted that I'm probably never going to be able to change about myself, and I guess that's okay.

Over the last few years, particularly while I've been at university, I've noticed a change in myself. I was getting worse. I have managed to push my worries from everyday ones into full-blown anxiety, as put so eloquently by my doctor last year. But she said that I'm also incredibly good at hiding it. Which I am. I'm a self-taught expert. Because hiding it is by far easier than trying to explain to people how you feel.

I always hear the same stuff. I could give you five different responses without even thinking about it.
'Just don't worry about stuff.'
'Cheer up, it's not the end of the world.'
'Other people have far more to be worried about than you.'

All true. I don't have a shit life. And I don't know where my anxiety comes from. My insecurities? Probably. But aside from that, who knows? Your guess is as good as mine. But if I had a pound for every time someone told me to 'just stop worrying', I could have paid off my student loans by now. If I could, I would. It's not as simple as that. To me, it feels like the end of the world. It's feeling everything too strongly. It's going days without wanting to talk to anyone. It's sobbing hysterically at something that only kind of upset you. It's questioning all my friendships, my relationship with my boyfriend, because I feel like I have too much emotional baggage. It's feeling useless. It's feeling lost. It's feeling nothing and everything all at the same time.

Bright side? I'm improving, Slowly. I'm pushing myself out of my comfort zone, with major encouragement from my boyfriend. And tangent aside, this book is incredible. It's changing the way I think about things. Like the quote by Michel de Montaigne says, the majority of the stuff I'm worrying about won't even happen. This quote has really stuck with me since I read it, and I think it's something that everyone needs to hear. My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, in my head. I'm literally wasting time and energy on stuff that won't happen. 

'Life is in the living, in the tissue of every day and hour.'

Sunday, 12 February 2017


It's Sunday afternoon, and I've just had a visit from my parents, who took me out to lunch. I see them fairly often and talk to them most days, but I still look forward to visits from them nonetheless.

And I'm incredibly grateful for them. I couldn't do half the stuff I do without them. We drive each other mad sometimes, but I wouldn't change them for the world. They have supported me through all of the ups and downs that life has brought me, and have done more for me than I will ever be able to pay them back for. They're the best parents I could have asked for.

If I could be anyone else in the entire world, I would want to be my sister. She's the head-strong, confident one who knows exactly what she wants and goes for it. I envy her her confidence. She can be a pain, but she's my sister, and one of my best friends.

I'm glad we're close. No matter what I do, how many wrong decisions I make, they've got my back. Always.

I hope I make them proud. They are my ultimate inspiration for everything.

Monday, 6 February 2017

My Experience With: Indoor Skydiving!

I can't quite believe I'm saying this (writing this?) but on Saturday I went indoor skydiving. Anyone who knows me in real life will know that I'm not a particularly adventurous person, but this year I am trying to step out of my comfort zone and expand my horizons.

To sum it up in one word: weird. It was so odd! You basically get two one-minute slots, and an instructor literally holds you up because it is not an easy thing. The instructors were so good, and made the whole experience easier. The wind tunnel is loud, and on my first go I was concentrating too hard on remembering to breathe to be any good at it.

It's harder than it looks. Although I feel kinda silly because I was so worried about it but there were groups of six-year-olds doing it with no problem. Me and my ridiculous mind!

But I DID IT. And I will celebrate this small achievement with everything that I have. And I have this incredibly flattering picture as a reminder. If anyone can look good while doing this, kudos to you.

8/10 - highly recommend!